Wine Whine

When life hands you crappy wine, make Gluehwein.    That’s exactly what had to happen this evening when I decided to match a wine with my Netflix programming.  There aren’t that many opportunities to do that, so when I saw a bottle of “19 Crimes” at the liquor store conveniently situated near my place of employment, I couldn’t resist – it’d be perfect for binge-watching Forensic Files.  Or so I thought.


Reading between the wines: my cheeky Chocolate

Dear strangers on the internet, once again I have been disappointed by having tried something new.  Trying new things is overrated.   This wine should be called “20 Crimes” – the 20th crime being that it leaves a rancid, dry, vinegar-like aftertaste.  To add insult to injury, it was more expensive than my old faithful, Apothic Red – to the tune of about a dollar per crime. 

So into the pot it went, with a couple of cinnamon sticks and enough sugar to cause a diabetic coma.   I’d normally add some cloves and a bit of orange peel, but I think, subconsciously, I was mad at the wine – “You don’t deserve the effort it would take to harvest some orange peel, you superficial wine with your fancy penal colony marketing gimmick!”  After about a 5 minute boil, I sipped what can only be described as Glueh’meh’wein – any self-respecting German at a Weihnachtsmarkt from Munich to Berlin would spit it back up into my eye if I served it to him/her.   

Between the unsatisfying wine and the lack of dismemberment* in the episodes of Forensic Files I watched, I could say the evening was a bust.  But the fact that it’s Friday night, that I can actually afford to buy a bottle of wine and, more importantly, that I’m not currently being dismembered, makes this a pretty damned good end to a rather frustrating work week that had me waking up this morning not to an alarm clock, but with cramps so painful, I thought my ovaries were declaring mutiny….

*:  when you watch enough true crime shows, a story about a run of the mill drive-by or fatal head injury doesn’t shock you like you wish it would… because you are now a monster.  It should be noted that results of the Myers-Briggs and Strong Inventory tests that I took while at university indicated that my top two compatible career choices were: librarian, police officer.  I like to think I’m somewhat living out both of those options in a very abstract way – by watching how crimes are solved from a very safe and quiet distance….



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