When life hands you crappy wine, make Gluehwein. That’s exactly what had to happen this evening when I decided to match a wine with my Netflix programming. There aren’t that many opportunities to do that, so when I saw a bottle of “19 Crimes” at the liquor store conveniently situated near my place of employment, I couldn’t resist – it’d be perfect for binge-watching Forensic Files. Or so I thought.
Dear strangers on the internet, once again I have been disappointed by having tried something new. Trying new things is overrated. This wine should be called “20 Crimes” – the 20th crime being that it leaves a rancid, dry, vinegar-like aftertaste. To add insult to injury, it was more expensive than my old faithful, Apothic Red – to the tune of about a dollar per crime.
So into the pot it went, with a couple of cinnamon sticks and enough sugar to cause a diabetic coma. I’d normally add some cloves and a bit of orange peel, but I think, subconsciously, I was mad at the wine – “You don’t deserve the effort it would take to harvest some orange peel, you superficial wine with your fancy penal colony marketing gimmick!” After about a 5 minute boil, I sipped what can only be described as Glueh’meh’wein – any self-respecting German at a Weihnachtsmarkt from Munich to Berlin would spit it back up into my eye if I served it to him/her.
Between the unsatisfying wine and the lack of dismemberment* in the episodes of Forensic Files I watched, I could say the evening was a bust. But the fact that it’s Friday night, that I can actually afford to buy a bottle of wine and, more importantly, that I’m not currently being dismembered, makes this a pretty damned good end to a rather frustrating work week that had me waking up this morning not to an alarm clock, but with cramps so painful, I thought my ovaries were declaring mutiny….
*: when you watch enough true crime shows, a story about a run of the mill drive-by or fatal head injury doesn’t shock you like you wish it would… because you are now a monster. It should be noted that results of the Myers-Briggs and Strong Inventory tests that I took while at university indicated that my top two compatible career choices were: librarian, police officer. I like to think I’m somewhat living out both of those options in a very abstract way – by watching how crimes are solved from a very safe and quiet distance….