Friends, Strangers of the Internet:
I should be working right now. I really should. But this just arrived in the post:
I’ve always loved fountain pens, and I do already own one (a rather ugly Sheaffer that I settled on about 10+ years ago and kinda scratches the paper… as with men/women, never settle just because there’s nothing/no one else available), but I’ve had fountain pen fever recently. I hesitated, but then I recalled the famous words of Oscar Wilde:
“The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful.”
Now, I’m pretty sure that he was talking about sex, and I’m just talking about a pen. And there are no monstrous and unlawful things about pens that I know of – unless a fountain pen was used to stab someone, at which point it would be an assault… probably not murder, unless the perpetrator managed to have a firm enough grip on the pen for several goes at the victim, which would be highly unlikely as the blood would make the surface of the pen too slippery to grasp, pull out, and stab repeatedly.
What was monstrous, however, was the price of the pen I had a little pengasm over:
But CAD$575 plus almost 15% of taxes on top of that? I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I would love to be able to fork out that kind of money, but that’s about three months worth of dog and cat food (it’s expensive, but they’re so worth it). So I decided that the “Premier Luxury” would be my porn pen – the one I think is hot, the one I’ll fantasize about, but the one I know is completely out of my reach. Fellas, you know exactly what I’m talking about, right? I thought so.
“But I thought you said, ‘as with men/women, never settle just because there’s nothing/no one else available’?” you ask. Damn you for actually paying attention! Well, unlike with the Sheaffer (there really was only the one model at Staples back then), I had way more of a selection at stylo.ca So it was more like having Gregory Fitoussi in the same room as some equally attractive, but far more attainable fellas with some very good qualities who actually live in my neighbourhood and like the same things as me.
As it turns out, I’m very happy with the commitment I’ve made to my IM Premium. He’s dignified, smooth, feels good, and I know he’ll make me happy for many, many years to come. And if I cheat on him, I think I’ll keep it within the Parker family – I really like the way they write… and did I mention how great the ink is? (And no, that’s not a euphemism for anything naughty… not everything is sexual, you know… y’all have really dirty minds… *sigh*)
This song is dedicated to my new Parker – because you don’t have to be fancy or be considered a ‘luxury’ to make a girl super happy…. xox